FW: English

I was talking to a friend in Leading Edge today, and we decided that English is the way it is because of its tragic past. It never really knew it's original parents and went through a series of foster homes with the Romans, Vikings, and Celts.
Then came puberty and the popular kids were all like "We are sooo much cooler because we're a romance language!" and considered English kind of like the kid who once wore their shirt inside-out on yearbook photo day. So English decided it wanted to be cooler and while emulating the cool kids who hung out at the mall...it assimilated all the French vocabulary.
It sort of worked. English graduated and tried to find real work in printing. But then there were people who were trying to change it to fix their requirements. English didn't have a very good resume, so it tried to make up things and pad the resume. Like...not splitting gerunds. It looked to the highly successful Latin, who had it made and was considered godly among the languages, even though Latin by now was very old and came with that "old man" smell that comes with old age.
Now, even though it's stretched itself pretty far, it's discovered that it likes hanging out with other languages and lifting their spare vocabulary when they aren't looking. It likes the adreneline rush.